Internal Wholeness Part2: Just One Touch

**This blog is from a series on wholeness. If you have not read Part 1, please read that and return here afterwards! Click Here**

Sorry ladies for keeping you waiting. I had the second part written, but God told me to go another direction. So I had to be obedient. So here we go...

Internal Wholeness Part 2: Just One Touch

If you recall from part 1, I had been praying for healing. I had come out of a divorce that just about killed me emotionally. At least that is what it felt like. My emotions were a wreck. My weekends were spent sleeping. I had spent years fighting a battle that I could not win. I would be driving to work and a wave of emotions would hit me like a tsunami. I'd reach work with eyes swollen. Some days I couldn't even walk into my job. I'd call my co-workers in my grade level, and they would take my kids for me. I'd drive back home and get in bed. I was broken. Emotionally I was not stable. One second I'd make a decision one way, and the next the pendulum would switch and my thoughts were going the other way. One day, I'd say I needed him. The next day, I'd say I had to have him in my life.  You get the picture.

Now you may have never gone through my specific situation, but I'm sure if you have lived life long enough, something traumatic in your life has occurred that has left you emotionally broken. For women, emotional brokenness is as tough as it can get because of how we were created.

I was definitely emotionally broken. But it was in that brokenness that I got what I needed. You see, I prayed for healing. God heard my cry. His answer was to give Himself to me. Ok that just gave me chills. I prayed for healing, but He gave Himself to me as the answer. I can't emphasize enough that healing comes through Jesus. You have to seek that first!

Now once you have that, the rest will follow. My healing happened all in one night. I was watching this sermon that one of my pastor's recommended to me. I'll share that in a later post.  I was laying in bed one night, and I tossed and turned. My jaw was killing me.  I had TMJ which is excruciating pain that you get in your jaw sockets from clenching or grinding your teeth due to extreme tension. I could not sleep no matter how hard I tried. My mind was scattered and I was in physical pain.  I heard God say to get up and watch that video on YouTube.

I started watching it, and the video addressed EVERY single traumatic experience I had gone through in my life. As I watched it,I started to tell God that that was me. I started to confess in my mind all the things I was going through and feeling. Suddenly, the guilt and shame started to fade away. The hurts began to go away. Something in the spirit lifted off of me. I was light, not heavy. Not only did spiritually I get touched, but I felt an icy coldness go into my jaw and removed every bit of tension in my jaw. It was the most amazing thing I've experienced up until that point in my life.

In the next few days, God directed me towards scripture. It was the story in the gospels about the woman with the issue of blood (Mark 5). That woman was me. For years I was hemorrhaging. I was bleeding out. My wounds were so big and were infected. In desperation I reached out for the hem of His garment. In the story, Jesus turned around and told the woman,"Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

I don't presume to know how God will bring your healing. My journey for healing began with a counselor, but Jesus ultimately did the brunt of the work himself. But I believe if you're desperate and you have faith to be healed at once, I believe God will honor it. Here are a few things that you do as you are praying for healing.

1) Sit down and tell God exactly the details of the traumatic experience. Give him every single last detail. Include every single detail of that day and that experience that you can recall. This seems like nothing, but trust me it's big. If you experienced the death of a loved one that emotionally broke you, recall that day and tell God it all. If you were abused, recall an experience and retell it to God. If you were rejected, tell God about every detail. I can't stress this enough. Do not hold back. God is seeking intimacy with you. That includes intimacy through the worst times in your life. After you're done telling Him every detail, shut up and listen. Sorry to be so up front, but God has to show you how he was there in that situation. That is where your healing comes from. 

2) Forgive God. This seems absurd, but most of our hurts come from the fact that we believe God was not present. These thoughts come out like this... "God you could have saved him? Why didn't you?"  .... "God, why did you allow him to touch me?".... "God, you could have healed my child? Why didn't you?" .... "God, why did I get this illness?" The bottom line is that you do not understand why God does what He does. His ways are not our ways. Period. Holding on to unforgiveness, especially against God will block you from EVERYTHING that God wants to give you. It cuts off your air supply. If you need to first get all your feelings out towards Him. Tell Him.  He can handle it. Relationship requires honesty.

I remember one night I cried my eyes out. I started yelling at God, "Why won't you answer me? Why won't you change my situation?! Don't you even care?!?!? ANSWER ME!!" God didn't punish me for it. But He did make Himself known afterwards. Let it all out and then forgive Him. "God, even though I was upset at you, I trust you. I trust you did things according to what you see. I know that you will bring good out of my despair. I'm sorry for holding unforgiveness towards you."

3) Forgive the person who hurt you- Ok this part can truly only come from God. But if God has begun the work of healing in you, you can do this. I NEVER thought I could forgive my ex. Really I didn't. But now I do pray for him. It's not a romantic, emotion-tied prayer.  I pray for his salvation because ultimately he is a lost soul.  Even if it doesn't feel right at first, start forgiving and praying. My prayers began with, "God, he didn't know what he did fully. He didn't really because he doesn't know you. So you do your work in him."

So if we go back to the initial point of this post, is what is an indicator that you are whole? You know you're whole when you can say that all your wounds have been removed, and you can stand with your emotions whole and deeply rooted in Christ. You can't stand with your emotions swaying back and forth across the pendulum. When you get hurt by others now, do you get wrapped into a whirlwind of emotions? Then you are a tree that is being uprooted by the wind. You are so susceptible to the enemy's attack when you are this kind of tree.

If you cannot say this, you must pray for it. Emotional brokenness is a cancer. It will spread and affect every area of your life. If you are single and want to get married, but still hate your ex, you WILL ruin your next relationship. If you were abused, you will not be able to experience full intimacy in any relationship (including with God).  If you are harboring unforgiveness towards God, you will never been able to experience all He has for you. So allow me to leave you with a prayer...

My love, I pray over my sisters right now. I sense that some of them are desperate right now to be emotionally whole. I pray that you give them courage to come before you boldly; That they would NOT hold back, but lay it all before you. As they tell you every detail about their traumatic experiences, please comfort them and wipe every tear from their eye. Show them that you were there with them every second. You cried with them, and felt all the heartache yourself. Help them to look into your face and see the compassion in your eyes. As Romans 8:28 says, help them to see that all things work for the good of those that love them. And lastly Father, as they reach out in desperation to touch you, I pray they hear your voice say, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."