**This blog is from a series on wholeness. If you have not read Part 1, please read that and return here afterwards! Click Here**
Sorry ladies for keeping you waiting. I had the second part written, but God told me to go another direction. So I had to be obedient. So here we go...
Internal Wholeness Part 2: Just One Touch
If you recall from part 1, I had been praying for healing. I had come out of a divorce that just about killed me emotionally. At least that is what it felt like. My emotions were a wreck. My weekends were spent sleeping. I had spent years fighting a battle that I could not win. I would be driving to work and a wave of emotions would hit me like a tsunami. I'd reach work with eyes swollen. Some days I couldn't even walk into my job. I'd call my co-workers in my grade level, and they would take my kids for me. I'd drive back home and get in bed. I was broken. Emotionally I was not stable. One second I'd make a decision one way, and the next the pendulum would switch and my thoughts were going the other way. One day, I'd say I needed him. The next day, I'd say I had to have him in my life. You get the picture.
Now you may have never gone through my specific situation, but I'm sure if you have lived life long enough, something traumatic in your life has occurred that has left you emotionally broken. For women, emotional brokenness is as tough as it can get because of how we were created.
I was definitely emotionally broken. But it was in that brokenness that I got what I needed. You see, I prayed for healing. God heard my cry. His answer was to give Himself to me. Ok that just gave me chills. I prayed for healing, but He gave Himself to me as the answer. I can't emphasize enough that healing comes through Jesus. You have to seek that first!
Now once you have that, the rest will follow. My healing happened all in one night. I was watching this sermon that one of my pastor's recommended to me. I'll share that in a later post. I was laying in bed one night, and I tossed and turned. My jaw was killing me. I had TMJ which is excruciating pain that you get in your jaw sockets from clenching or grinding your teeth due to extreme tension. I could not sleep no matter how hard I tried. My mind was scattered and I was in physical pain. I heard God say to get up and watch that video on YouTube.
I started watching it, and the video addressed EVERY single traumatic experience I had gone through in my life. As I watched it,I started to tell God that that was me. I started to confess in my mind all the things I was going through and feeling. Suddenly, the guilt and shame started to fade away. The hurts began to go away. Something in the spirit lifted off of me. I was light, not heavy. Not only did spiritually I get touched, but I felt an icy coldness go into my jaw and removed every bit of tension in my jaw. It was the most amazing thing I've experienced up until that point in my life.
In the next few days, God directed me towards scripture. It was the story in the gospels about the woman with the issue of blood (Mark 5). That woman was me. For years I was hemorrhaging. I was bleeding out. My wounds were so big and were infected. In desperation I reached out for the hem of His garment. In the story, Jesus turned around and told the woman,"Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."
I don't presume to know how God will bring your healing. My journey for healing began with a counselor, but Jesus ultimately did the brunt of the work himself. But I believe if you're desperate and you have faith to be healed at once, I believe God will honor it. Here are a few things that you do as you are praying for healing.
1) Sit down and tell God exactly the details of the traumatic experience. Give him every single last detail. Include every single detail of that day and that experience that you can recall. This seems like nothing, but trust me it's big. If you experienced the death of a loved one that emotionally broke you, recall that day and tell God it all. If you were abused, recall an experience and retell it to God. If you were rejected, tell God about every detail. I can't stress this enough. Do not hold back. God is seeking intimacy with you. That includes intimacy through the worst times in your life. After you're done telling Him every detail, shut up and listen. Sorry to be so up front, but God has to show you how he was there in that situation. That is where your healing comes from.
2) Forgive God. This seems absurd, but most of our hurts come from the fact that we believe God was not present. These thoughts come out like this... "God you could have saved him? Why didn't you?" .... "God, why did you allow him to touch me?".... "God, you could have healed my child? Why didn't you?" .... "God, why did I get this illness?" The bottom line is that you do not understand why God does what He does. His ways are not our ways. Period. Holding on to unforgiveness, especially against God will block you from EVERYTHING that God wants to give you. It cuts off your air supply. If you need to first get all your feelings out towards Him. Tell Him. He can handle it. Relationship requires honesty.
I remember one night I cried my eyes out. I started yelling at God, "Why won't you answer me? Why won't you change my situation?! Don't you even care?!?!? ANSWER ME!!" God didn't punish me for it. But He did make Himself known afterwards. Let it all out and then forgive Him. "God, even though I was upset at you, I trust you. I trust you did things according to what you see. I know that you will bring good out of my despair. I'm sorry for holding unforgiveness towards you."
3) Forgive the person who hurt you- Ok this part can truly only come from God. But if God has begun the work of healing in you, you can do this. I NEVER thought I could forgive my ex. Really I didn't. But now I do pray for him. It's not a romantic, emotion-tied prayer. I pray for his salvation because ultimately he is a lost soul. Even if it doesn't feel right at first, start forgiving and praying. My prayers began with, "God, he didn't know what he did fully. He didn't really because he doesn't know you. So you do your work in him."
So if we go back to the initial point of this post, is what is an indicator that you are whole? You know you're whole when you can say that all your wounds have been removed, and you can stand with your emotions whole and deeply rooted in Christ. You can't stand with your emotions swaying back and forth across the pendulum. When you get hurt by others now, do you get wrapped into a whirlwind of emotions? Then you are a tree that is being uprooted by the wind. You are so susceptible to the enemy's attack when you are this kind of tree.
If you cannot say this, you must pray for it. Emotional brokenness is a cancer. It will spread and affect every area of your life. If you are single and want to get married, but still hate your ex, you WILL ruin your next relationship. If you were abused, you will not be able to experience full intimacy in any relationship (including with God). If you are harboring unforgiveness towards God, you will never been able to experience all He has for you. So allow me to leave you with a prayer...
My love, I pray over my sisters right now. I sense that some of them are desperate right now to be emotionally whole. I pray that you give them courage to come before you boldly; That they would NOT hold back, but lay it all before you. As they tell you every detail about their traumatic experiences, please comfort them and wipe every tear from their eye. Show them that you were there with them every second. You cried with them, and felt all the heartache yourself. Help them to look into your face and see the compassion in your eyes. As Romans 8:28 says, help them to see that all things work for the good of those that love them. And lastly Father, as they reach out in desperation to touch you, I pray they hear your voice say, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."
This series came out of a conversation I had recently. I was at a park with some friends from church a few Sundays ago. There I had the opportunity to get to know one particular girl named Mimi. When she found out that I had been married before, she begin asking me a whole lot of questions. I love that about her. She has a hunger about the things of God that excites me (little did I know that God was preparing her to be my soulmate...haha. Our story is pretty great, but that's for another time). I began sharing with her a bit of my story and the really hard lessons I've learned from my failed marriage and my brokenness. Then she stunned me with one question that my mind has been on the last few weeks. The question: "What are the indicators that I am whole?"
God has been BURNING in my heart a desire that His daughters be made whole. WE need to walk in wholeness as He intended from our creation. I know what God has done in me to make me whole internally, but it has been very hard for me to articulate it. I know that God specifically told me that He didn't heal me for me to just stay quiet. So my prayer to God has been, since Mimi's question, is God help me to articulate what you have shown me and done in me. So I am going to attempt to do this.
This series will be a long one. But if you are desiring this for yourself, I believe you'll stick around. I've divided it into two sections; Internal Wholeness and External Wholeness. Each section will be broken down in parts. You'll have to wait to get each part :) But I will try to be quick to write them, so that you don't have to wait very long! So without further adieu....
Internal Wholeness Part 1: Romance
"God, where do I begin?" I asked when praying how to put into words what He's done. I heard that familiar voice say, "A-hem!!!" (that coughing sound). Duh! Wholeness will always begin with Jesus. Always. I'm not talking about the day you took the sinner's prayer either. I'm talking about wholeness beginning the day that you begin an intensely scandalous, romantic love affair with Jesus.
Ladies, since little we have grown up waiting for that one day where our knight in shining armor will appear in a blaze of glory, to sweep us off our feet, and give us the happily ever after that we have watched in every romantic comedy we have repeatedly watched (ok the teacher in me is ashamed of that really long sentence...lol) We watched, and even if you won't admit it, we desire what we see. We were created for covenant. So those desires are going to be there. While those movies are fantasy, I want you to make it a reality. Not with an earthly man, but with Jesus. I want you to fall so deeply in love, let Him proprose to you, and become His bride.
I was very hesitant to share this experience with you. It is a VERY special moment for me. Telling it brings tears to my eyes. But ladies we all know when someone announces they're engaged, the first two things asked are..."Can I see the ring?" and "How did he ask?" So going along with the spirit of sisterhood, I will share how He proposed to me.
The day was January 21st... Our anniversary :) I had the day off of work. I started the year taking up the challenge my pastor gave about getting up early before work, and spending time in prayer, worship, and meditating on the Word. I really was enjoying that time to the point that it was disappointing when I had to start getting ready for work. So here I had this day off. I could've used it to sleep in really late, but instead I slept in until 7:30 and got up.
I began my time as usual praying for healing that I desperately needed. Then as usual, the listening part came. "God, I'm listening. What do you want to say to me?"... I wasn't ready for what came next. I got a vision. Mind you this vision was about 2 minutes long, but I'm going to describe it in detail for you.
I saw a right arm and hand outstretched to me, and I heard that familiar voice...
"I have loved you with an everlasting love. Will you?"
"Will I what God?" I asked
"I will never leave you, nor forsake you. Will you?"
"Will I what God?!?!"
In that moment it hit me in my spirit like a ton of bricks. He was proposing to me. Jesus was proposing!!!
"Yes! Yes! I will! I will!" I replied
Immediately me after saying yes, I was taken up a staircase wearing a beautiful wedding gown and my curls looked FANTASTIC (LOL). I can see it now so clearly. Everything was the brightest white I have ever seen. My hand was in His. I was zoomed in to see my face. I have never seen so much joy on my face. My dimples were the biggest they have every been :) When we got to the top, there was a celebration. I couldn't see anyone; It was just me and His outstretched arm. He was twirling me, and I was dancing. Jubilant. That is the only word I could use to describe it.
"From this day forward, you will be my bride, and I will be your husband" he told me. **swoon**
The celebration ended, and He put His hand on my stomach. He asked me if I remembered this prophetic dream I had a few months prior (about a miscarriage)...
"Yes, of course."
"The reason your dream died was because it was fathered by man. This new dream I'm about to impregnate you with will be birthed because I am fathering it. This year will be a year of expectancy and preparation. Like a new mom awaiting a child, you will be full of joy awaiting the birth of this dream and I will prepare you."
The vision ended and playing on Pandora was the song "I Will Carry Your Name." I cried my eyes out. I was changed. Forever changed in that moment. My time with Him each morning changed. My time with Him went from doing it out of desperation to true delight.
In an instant, I had what the romance movies convince you you need in an earthly man. I had a man who desired to spend time with me, and boy does He have loads of uninterrupted time for me. I had a man who would have pillow talk with me late at night to my heart's desire. I had a man in my life who found me so incredibly beautiful inside and out. I had a man who watched me sleep. I had a man who sang to my heart. I had a man who whispered in my ear words of love and adoration. I now had a man who holds my hand and leads me on the wildest adventures. He cuddles me with his comfort. He gives me the best advice. He is the lover of my soul. He is the priest of my home and I feel safe and secure in Him.
This kind of relationship with Jesus is the first indicator of wholeness. The first indicator is your answer to the question "Do you have a romantic love affair with Jesus?"
Single Ladies: If your answer is No, you MUST pray for this experience. Pray that God proposes to you and "woo" you in a way that you desire. For me, I am a hopeless romantic. If only an earthly man could sing to me, write me love notes, speak words of ....ok you get it. God knew that about me and that is what He gave me. Before you THINK you're ready for marriage, you need to be whole. That means you have to place all the desires that you think you need in an earthly man, and ask God to be that person for you FOR REALS! This is your first step to wholeness. God will not send a Godly man unto you are ready. This is the first step. Ask God for it. Keep asking until He does it....and He will. And you WILL be swept off your feet.
Married Ladies: Your husband is not God and will NEVER be God. Though He may make you speak in tongues at night, He can NEVER save you from the filth that is sin. You may be in a marriage now with a whole lot of difficulty because you are expecting your husband to take on the role that only God can fill. If you have never experienced the proposal of God in your life (not the sinner's prayer). Ask for it. Enter in that love affair with Jesus. Then whatever your husband gives you is just a cherry on top. Now that is the marriage I desire.
So that is step one. If you have stuck with me this long, you have a hunger. And it is no coincidence. God has already been working on making you truly whole. So please allow me end this by praying for you...
Jesus, I pray that you will give my sisters the revelation of them being your bride and you being their groom. I pray that you rock their worlds. For my single sisters, give them a romance that will quench the NEED for an earthly husband until you prepare the Godly man you have for them. I declare onenness over your daughters this day. Like a true marriage, bring them into oneness with you. Overwhelm them with your love. Take them on the adventures of their lifetimes being hand in hand with you. I pray in urgency that this will not be a prayer delayed, but a prayer immediately answered to those hearts that you have prepared for this very moment. Amen.
Part 2: Just One Touch
